🇦🇷🇨🇭🇮🇻🇪(🇷🇪🇨🇪🇳🇹-🇴🇱🇩🇪🇸🇹)
︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹𝕰𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶⊹
𝟎𝟕.𝟎𝟕.𝟐𝟓
haiii :3𝟎𝟕.𝟎𝟔.𝟐𝟓
Today was pretty stressful. My husband could barely sleep last night. He was getting up to use the bathroom (and got sick, twice.) I've been worried sick all day, and I've been running up and down, back and forth taking care of him. When someone reads that, they might see that as a sign of anger or resentment, but i truly wouldn't have it any other way and I enjoy taking care of him. In light of this, I cooked a homemade Chicken Noodle soup- which he seemed to really enjoy. I used Ginger in it to (hopefully) help his body recover a little bit. He told me it helped him feel a little better, so I took that as a job well done. However, if he doesn't feel better by tomorrow I will probably have to take him to the doctor… He doesn't work tomorrow, but he works the next day, so I know his boss is going to expect a doctor's note. And I DREAD having to have the “you need a doctor” conversation with him, because for as wonderful and patient as he is, he hates doctors (almost) more than I do. An accomplishment, really. I focused on my Spacehey more than my site today. I re-added my Vinyl display and updated the placement of some of my stamps and blinkies. Hopefully tomorrow will be a calmer day.
𝟎𝟕.𝟎𝟓.𝟐𝟓
Today is always a sad day for me. July 5th is my biological father’s birthday. He passed (very suddenly) in 2017. It is an interesting emotional cocktail of anger, regret, sadness, grief, and curiosity. My situation was unique in the fact that I was adopted (specifically by his parents, meaning I was adopted by my biological grandparents.) And, that’s not to mention that my adoption was unique too- my original set of parents were in active addiction when they had me and my younger sister, who is only two years younger than me. You’d think people would stop having kids if they couldn’t take care of the first one, but what do I know? Just how the cookie crumbles, I guess. When an absent, addict parent dies, the feeling can only be described as bittersweet. It leaves a hole in their absence that can be felt by everyone in your family. The feelings are mixed. Some people look on their memory with fondness, and some look at their memory with disdain. You tend to meet people you’ve never heard of, heard stories you never knew, and learn things about them that you didn't know previously. And for me, that was one of the hardest parts about it. When he passed, I learned that he liked some of the same things I did. He liked Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, WWE, Alternative rock, Dragon Ball, among other things. And, in his life, I barely knew him. Of course that was due to his own decisions, but it still leaves a deep pit in my heart. He passed when I was an early teenager, and I simply did not understand why he gave me up and not my younger sister. It created jealousy within me and tension between us, and I was not ever very nice to him. I regret our conversations every day. Now, my sister and I are both adults trying to pick up our pieces. We talked back and forth today, talking about her birthday (which was yesterday,) and reminiscing on our childhood (the good, the bad, and the ugly of it.) We grew up seperated, then together, then separated again- but she will forever be my best friend. I’m so grateful to God that those addicts bumped uglies and made a little gremlin called my little sister… (peanut, if you ever read this, you know I love you!) And even if he is not here, my sister and I carry his name, face, and memory. He will never truly die.